Saturday, October 13, 2007

After the Sabbatical

Yes, it's been a long, long time... And my apologies for not writing for so long... What has kept me away? WORK!!! I'm not joking. I've now been moved to a different section at work, where I cannot log in and faff because I sit too close to my bosses. Bummer! I'm now officially slave labour.

And no, I haven't run off and gotten engaged/eloped/checked into rehab.... worry not!!

But gosh so much seems to have happened since I last managed to write... India won the 2020 Wolrd Cup, Kareena and Shahid seem to have broken up, Chak De stunned audiences, Amitabh celebrated another birthday, Ram Gopal Varma ki Aag bombed like we all expected it to, SHAHRUKH KHAN got a SIX PACK FOR OM SHANTI OM....

Pumped Up and Pimped Out

Hats off and a deep bow to the man for being able to pull this off at 40-plus, but ladies, does this really turn you on??? He looks like a C-grade Village Person impersonator.

I was still coming to terms with Shahrukh's newfound nakedness when I flipped channels one day and saw with shock and horror Shekhar Suman....

Now he really looks like a wax statue of himself.

I don't know about you, but it's a little too porno-graphique for my liking, both of you. Shudder.

Some things don't change, however. Like Malaika Arora-Khana and her pallu. She's at the CHIP fundraiser, looking quite elegant in an emerald-green saree, hair done up in an impeccable bun, and playing peek-a-boobie once again.

And again...

And again....

till she finally got tired and decided to show off her back instead....

What Malaika is secretly thinking is: "It's so nice to have my not having my annoying sister sitting on my back like a monkey!!!!"

There was some more fugliness on display at a recent breats cancer awareness fundraiser.

Neha Dhupia proved that was actually something more disastrous than her career: her outfit!!

The peep-toed shoes I like, but the rest of that just looks like the trimmings off an antique lamp-shade.

Suchitra Krishnamoorthy hasn't released an album in years. She hasn't been on the silver screen since her two-bit role "In My Wife's Murder" in 2005. I hear it's because she is focussing on her painting these days. Which is fine by me... but why wear a canvas you unleashed your anger on to a fundraiser??

And if she wasn't bad enough, Suchitra Pillai came wearing a smock.

Well people, I promise I'll write back real real soon. Before my boss peeks over my shoulder....
Fug not and stay hot.

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

Apne Premiere

The Deols sure did outshine Himesh with the premiere of Apne, but there were still a couple of fugs that couldn't be missed.

This strange stitching along the seams thing is getting big in Bollywood. Zayed did it with his jeans, and now Ritesh with his jacket. Nuh-uh.

Jaya aunty, that is indeed a lovely saree but that purse would better be seen on a Bandra teenybopper's arm. Or, Preity Zinta's!!!

Shamita Shetty was looking quite nice in a white dress. I'm glad she finally wore something that suited her body type. Takes away from the short length of her torso and her bustiness.

Kareena Kapoor looked chic and glam in her simple jeans and top ensemble. One thing many pancaked-Bollywood ladies can learn from her: Kareena really does practise the less-is-more trend when it comes to makeup, and always looks fresh and classy. Props, Bebo!

I looked at Kangna and thought wow!! She's finally wearing something sophisticated and smart and non-toddler...

And then you look again and realize it's just the same tired OshKosh B'Gosh romper outfit. Toddler Kangna was chaperoned by Granny Zinta who has apparently broken her back and is therefore wearing a back brace. Get well soon, Granny!

Aryan Vaid, yes, we all notice that you are in possesssion of a D&G jacket. Thanks for draping it over your arm, so we could all get a better look at the tag and confirm if it really was original.

If there's anything more pitiable than ageing and out-of-work female models, it's ageing and out of work male models.

The newsroom has been absolutely insane today, and I nearly got into an ideological war with my colleagues over the company's hiring policy. Why must we, the faster, more efficient workers have to work twice as much because of the incompetence of some lesser mortals?

I kid you not. A 24 year old grown woman walked into office, sat at the sandwich bar for an HOUR and walked into the newsroom late because she "had been crying and didn't want anyone in the newsroom to notice."

I looked at her and said, honey, this is a newsroom. You have to report on time for your shift so that the previous shift can leave. You could be bleeding to death at your desk and no one would care... Which of course, made her start crying again!!!

Which meant that I got fucked in the end for making her cry, coz I had to stay back and help the teary-eyed dumbfuck (who was now truly not in working condition) edit a story.

Moral of the story: Dumbfucks will be dumbfucks, and if you're smart, too bad,you'll just hafta take on more! It's no wonder that people in this profession are highy susceptible to coronary disease.

Before my BP goes any higher,

Fug not and stay hot.


New Cause, Same Ho

Greetings, fellow Earthlings. It is I, Frosty the Snow Bitch!!!!! Look at me! I live in a land of ice and snow, yet my skin appears to have the irridiscent glimmer of a native Hawaiian. No, its is not too much bronzer, whatever made you think that?

Look at my wonderful talents. See, I can act like a bird...!! Surely, I give Mallika Sarabhai and Chitra Vishweshan a run for their money...

I can also do the coquettish Princess Diana head tilt... giggle, giggle!

MALAIKA... stop looking for Feather-brained causes to support. After seeing you dressed up as a slut-bird, most of our feathered friends would probably want to fly into walls and ceiling fans.

So, return that dress to K-Mart, take that disgusting headgear off, and go back to doing your goddamn item numbers. It's such a pity when talentless people try soooooo hard.

Sigh. It's been a taxing day in the newsroom and I really think my nerves are splitting at their ends.

Fug not and stay hot.

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

The Real Fug Story!!!

Himesh Reshammiya is like a cockroach. You hate him so, so much, you wanna squash him with your foot till the white goo comes out. At the same time, you just can't ignore him.

Ancient proverb: He who has no confidence in himself hides beneath a cover.

HimeshSpeak: I'm ugly and I have no personality so I wear a cap ALL THE FRIKKIN TIME. Oh yeah and I have yukky hair too.

The man clearly has a congenital defect. Look what he's wearing...

Himesh, a jacket over ANOTHER jacket was never a fashion statement. And that exposed upperchest is really givin me the heebie-jeebies. Ewww. I swear I can see razor-induced ingrowths.

I sincerely believe the mans needs clinical help if he actually thinks he looks good in this get-up. HIMESH YOU ARE UGLY, deal with it.

Monday, June 25, 2007

White Italian Cafe

Another restaurant launch. Another dressy affair. Here's what they wore.

After Isha Koppikar's Christmas tree gown in Aaj Ki Raat, celebs have actually taken to this shapeless, fluffy monstrosity.

Why you
would want to wear a plumy sack is beyond me...
Here is Achala Sachdev...

Look at it this way: when she gets sick of the dress, she can make a nice antique parasol out of it!!

Tanaaz Currim now works and campaigns for the Shiv Sena. Well, what else can explain the screaming orange/saffron?

Someone who I thought was turned out simple and casual was Archana Puran Singh. Jeans and tee and not desperate to fight the age!

Anupama Verma
lost her way to the gypsy carnival. What could've turned out to be quite a nice ensemble just ended up TACKY. That honestly looks likes an export reject off Janpath.

Shayan and Piya... As I've said before, I am a big supporter of the celebrity dress-down. It's nice to keep things casual every now and then. But casual DOES NOT mean scruffy... and remember it, like you would a mathematical formula... CASUAL does not equal SCRUFFY...

Uff. You two look like you need a bath!!

Someone who disappointed me considerably was Rajit Kapoor. I have always admired him as an actor and didn't think he was capable of any massive fugs. But... umm... I thought he was a serious actor, not an O Re Kaanchi extra from the movie Ashoka.

Fashion-wise, nothing noticably (in a nice way) white, or Italian about the White Italian cafe launch. Drab. Just hope the food's better.

It's Monday morning and i'm staring at the face of a long dreary week ahead.
I'm heading for a greasy breakfast in our shady cafeteria. (Which in all probability will be toast soaked in that awful butter substitute or paranthas which are have unintended live active culture in them.)
I sincerely hope the rest of you have had a better, more edible brekky!!

Oh, and in case any of you're interested... Jimmy Choo stores will be launching in Mumbai... real soon!! My toes are positively tingling with anticipation...

Have a great week ahead.
Fug not and stay hot.